2009, Here I Come!

Wow, a few more days and 2008 is drawing to its end already.

I'd say that went by quickly. Too quickly, I'd say.

When 2008 started, I was not to keen on it. I thought it was just another year. Another year same as the year before and probably the same as the years to come. I did manage to conjure a list of my New Year's Resolutions but actually came around to doing this list mid-February. At that time, all I thought was the age-old cliche of Better Late than Never. True enough, that attitude brought forth a list with out conviction. A list that consists of things which I thought I should do.

It's 30 December 2008 today. And I couldn't wait to get started on my resolutions! Wait, I lied.. I've already completed my list over the weekend. This time, I feel more conviction about everything I've written. I can't wait to start my life over.

I do have a confession to make. A guilty confession. I had a look at my 2008 list, and most of the items, I haven't done. So sue me! That's why I decided to recycle my list. Things I meant to do in past year which I didn't, I'm going to do this year. I feel hopeful about things this time. Here's my list for 2009 and see where we're at by year end. Here's to good luck!

1. Surpass the eternal female struggle - Maintain a healthy weight. Should be achieved my mid year.

2. Maintain a zero credit card balance at the end of each month. Bye bye emotional shopping outbursts.

3. Exercises. At least 3 times a week. Health is wealth as they say.

4. Read 1 book each week. Tis also good to invest in the mind y'know.

5. Spa Night once a week. Ahh... It's also good to reward thyself.

6. Gotsa pursue my Pharmacy Career. Admin jobs suck. It makes you dumb.

7. Pray more. It does give me a fuller sense of being.

8. Reconnect with Family. I think it'll make me feel more complete.

Well, that's it for this year!

In the mean time, I'm busy preparing for the big Sydney New Year Spectacle!

E-mote

Feelings evoke Passion.

But what if I've got a kaleidoscope of feelings happening all at the same time? Some feelings manifesting quite "loudly" while others are mere whispers in the background. I'm not sure what to make of it really.

Times like today, I'm feeling really anxious and confused. Not sure about the WHYs and WHATs. I have a hunch my mind is defensively screening my thoughts. I'm feeling this way and there is a reason why. What these reasons are? I don't know. I think my mind is blocking out these reasons for fear of getting hurt. What's more prominent though in the forefront of my mind are happy thoughts, and these very thoughts are what's causing the tiny, barely audible echoes of whispers of happiness and contentment. However, the more I subconsiously repress the sad thoughts and push them further into the deepest abbyss of my mind, the negative feelings somehow resonate louder and louder. And still I refuse to face the music and process what might be causing these negative feelings.

Am I ready to face whatever this thing that's bothering me is? Am I ready to deal with the outcome? Will I come out of this stronger and better and ever? Or will I just crumble to bits.

The answers to those questions don't matter. I should do it still and that's the only honorable way to go.

Missing Pear-shaped Ham

It's 15th of December, a few more days till Christmas. I should be jumping for joy a-ny-time soon... *tapping my fingers* ...
Nothing.
I guess this is what I get for moving to Australia where Christmas is not as big a deal as it was back in the Philippines. I grew up waiting for Christmas all-year long. The kind of celebration where shops start playing Christmas songs in October and where trees and decor are all abound around the same time. The kind of Christmas where my parents bought at least 20 pieces of Sunpride pear-shaped ham, with yummy pineapple sauce to give away as presents. Fruitcake trickle to the table by the dozens each month, and it was just as much as a tradition to pass around these cakes as recycled gift.
Soon I start feeling giddy and guilty as charged - change my ring tone to a Christmas song. The sound of carolers become oh-so familiar. Groups of kids and even adults stop by the house to sing and of course ask for money. To be honest, this practice got on my nerves back then but now I find myself missing the familiar chorus. On 1st of December, I find my calendar slowly filling up from all the parties I have to attend. The smell of hamonda and Coke fill the air. All the houses are lit and lanterns are present in every house's facade. The shopping centres are full of cheer. People do away with the usual Hi's and Hello's and instead greet you with a "Merry Christmas" along with a cheery smile.
The Christmas Tree at home fill up so quickly too! None of the too expensive presents though, but full of sweet little nothings. Calls from friends and family around the world are expected. Christmas cards in the mail almost everyday. Around this day, everyone start making plans of going to Simbang Gabi - 9 days of Morning Masses leading to Christmas Day itself. Friends meet up at church and enjoy a quick mini-meal at the end of the mass.
All these things seemed so trivial back then. Who would've thought I'd miss it all - the carolers, waking up early for Simbang Gabi and of course, the pear-shaped ham.

Movie Review: Twilight

Absolutely CRAP-tastic!!!

What does that mean? I have no bloody idea.

I'm so torn you see. I love the books. Finished all four books in 8 days. I'm an absolute fan and I often find myself deliberating points of the story with EJ on Facebook. Thus, I feel the need to be loyal to my new obsession. I knew reviews of the movie weren't all that great but I still felt the need to watch it - to support the whole project. MJ even bought us Gold Class tickets at $40 each!

So, I'm not going to great lengths to describe how bad the movie is. It'll only make us sound stupid for spending almost $100 for 90 minutes of crap. The recliner chairs of the movie house only made me feel sleepy watching the movie. It wasn't boring, but I just felt like I couldn't watch a lot of scenes without cringing. The meadow scene for example was a glorious scene in the book. However in the movie it was YUCK as in baduy (translation: Daggy).

As I said, I'm not going to great lengths to describe my utter distaste of this movie. Plainly, it was crap.
But I'm still a fan and I still encourage everyone to go watch it.

I'm just glad they changed the director for New Moon. And yes, every one in the cast needs acting lessons.

Go Edward and Bella!

In a bit of a dark and slighly depressing mood.

Wednesday... Mid-week hump day they call it. It's when you feel the stress of work but the weekend still isn't anywhere in sight. I've never been bothered too much by Wednesdays. Maybe I'm feeling this slump because of a few unpleasant vibes around me. For one, I just finished reading the fourth book of the Twilight series - Breaking Dawn. I mean, yeah, it's been an absolute joy to read the whole series in 8 days. But what am I going to do now? I miss Bella and Edward. Oh well, I can go back to reading my favorite parts of the book anyway. But Bella and Edward should be the least of my concerns. Dad's still in the hospital. The thought is just freaking me out. He had his surgery last week, but he's still in because doctors have to observe him - his heart, his sugar level, his lungs. And being here, not being able to anything, feeling helpless -- it's not good for my well-being. Hearing the anxiety and worry in voice of my mum when she gives me updates does not help either. It can be really draining - emotionally and financially. You'd expect MJ to be more understanding and considerate of my fragile state, but noooo.... He has to give me a hard time too. I wasn't talking to him this morning but he rang me during my lunch break because he needed something so I had to talk to him.

On second thought, it would be good to have Twilight to read again. I need the distraction from all these. There's nothing much I can do except pray. Worrying can be such a waste of time and energy. After giving it some thought, I think worrying is the mind's way of coping, or prepping up for the worst. So if worst comes to worse, the body doesn't go into shock. I still wish I would stop worrying now. I wouldn't want to go into shock either.

I wish I could handle this stress better. I better figure out something soon. Real soon.

Weekend, Schmeekend

Quite an eventful weekend I've had.

We had Maricel's (first) birthday celebration Friday night. I wasn't feeling too well. Had to skip work that day because I just couldn't get my head up. I had the mental image of me battling my eyes to stay open at work. Figured getting some rest would be better than lasting through the day groggy ( not to mention embarrassing myself in the process) at work. Bert picked up MJ from work, then picked me up at home. Had to pick up EJ too at Bondi. We started heading to Pancake on the Rocks for the dinner celebration. Left the house at half past six, got to The Rocks at quarter to nine. Some long drive. Just when you think I couldn't have eaten any later, I couldn't find Maricel in the restaurant! Gave her a quick ring only to find out we were at the wrong branch. We were meeting at Pancake on the Rocks -- Darling Harbour branch. Oh well, we couldn't stand driving anymore. Trying to find parking in Sydney on a Friday night is not an easy task. Took a cab instead. Time check: nine. Dinner at nine. Just what my ailing body needed. The rest of the night was fun. Went to Lowenbrau for some dancing and drinks. Got home 3-ish.

Buzz!

The sound of the alarm. Saturday morning. I was meeting up with an old friend from Cebu - TJ. I used to call her Ate TJ, but the prefix sounds a bit, uhm..., childish to me now. TJ, Ate TJ, Tessa . Ten in the morning. I haven't heard from TJ yet. Thought their ship prolly hasn't docked yet. TJ is in a band performing on a cruise ship. What a life! I mean that the good way though. Anyway, so I left TJ a message on Friendster. I told her we might be taking her to Bondi - Sydney's world famous beach - as the weather was looking mighty fine. A warm 35 degrees. Bert arrived 11-ish, but MJ and I were in the middle of brunch. Bert joined us for bruch having corned beef ala MJ. Corned beef with mushroom, onions and egg. 12 o'clock. Still no word from TJ. We decided to start heading to Bondi and telling TJ to catch up with us there. The beach wasn't as packed as I excpected, which was good. The boys dozed off on the sand while I burried myself in my book - Twilight's fouth installment - Breaking Dawn. Four-ish, still no word from TJ. She's definitely not joining us for sure. It was too late to do anything. We had to start heading off too, as we had to head to Glenwood for another dinner party. But not without stopping by Bondi Hotel for a quick beer. Highlight of my day? Lechon at the dinner party.

Buzz!

Dang this alarm. Sunday morning. We had to rush again for the second part of Maricel's birthday celebration. It was a lunch gathering of dual purpose. Aside from the birthday, Manny Pacquaio was also fighting Oscar de la Hoya. I instictively thought Manny didn't have a chance. With Oscar's experience and the obvious advantage in his vital statistics, PacMan was sure to fall flat on his face. I've never been a big fan of Boxing. I even think it's such a cruel sport! How can you avoid cringing when your motivation is crushing your opponent to pieces. Then the unthinkable happened... de la Hoya throws i the towel! Woohoo! I'm not a fan of boxing, sure, but I've just become a fan of Manny Pacquiao.

Buzz!
Snooze.
Buzz!
Snooze.
Buzz!!!!!!!!

Fine, I give up. I'm awake. Monday morning... Can I get through the day alive? I was only feeling slightly better now than I was on Friday but I couldn't afford to miss a day of work again. Eventually, I got to the office all in one piece.

Start of another week.

Taking a Breather

Edward and Bella... sigh...

I'm not up to the part where they have their time alone before the big fight (I'm reading Eclipse now). Edward just proposed to Bella with the ring his dad gave his mum. Bella answered with a simple "Yes", making the engagement now official.

I thought I'd take a breather for a moment. My heart is just fluttering.

I can be soooo...

such a girl sometimes.

My Nose Is....

My nose is buried in a book.

Buried in the Twilight series. I bought Twilight three days ago and finished it during lunch break today. My friend Mara, just sent me the e-books for the next two installments.

New Moon has got me caught again in the crazy-but-I-love-it world of Bella and Edward.

I can't pull myself away.

I've gotta keep my head buried in it and get lost in their world.