Letting go of Ls and embracing my Ps

Today has been one of most nerve wracking days I've had in a long time. I had set my alarm to go off at 7am (too early, considering I'm not working today) because I didn't want to be late for my driving test. But I just kept on waking up way before my alarm had gone off. 5:30AM, then 6AM, then almost every quarter of an hour thereafter.

7AM and I finally jumped out of bed and got ready. The train ride to Mount Druitt seemed a lot longer than it usually is. My stomach was feeling queasy. Warm up drive for an hour with my driving instructor, David and the big moment came. Driving test was about to commence.

Half an hour later, I drove into the Motor Registry office and Steve, my examiner told me to follow him into the office, have a seat and he will call me over when the results are ready.

Sat in my seat, palms sweaty. David asked my how my test went, gave me a few reassuring words but it all seemed to blur away in the back ground.

"Deborah" - my name was being called. I walked over to the window and there was Steve standing with a stern face. Seemed like the world stopped for almost two seconds. First thing Steve said, "Congratulations!" A big smile took over my face.

Today, I've said goodbye to my L plates and hello to my P (provisional) plates. Hallelujah! My prayers have been answered. Now I can tick this off my list and move on to bigger tests.

No kidding, I did kiss my P plates

P.S.

Just quickly browsing through my entries, seems like listening to music inspires me to write. Hmm... Maybe this is all I need to find my inspirations.

Food for thought.

My 2011

I've been mulling over my words-to-live-by for the new year and finally, my light bulb moment came to me earlier today.

Eyes on the prize

I've got a few goals I need to achieve this year and I just need to make sure I don't get sidetracked, so I say to myself everyday: Keep your eyes on the prize.

My theme song also came to me today (wow, it's been a really enlightening day by the sounds of it). 2010 was full of trials which has lead my down the path of self-discovery. I've come to realise that it really is OK for me to be different from everybody else. I tried so hard to blend in when I was meant to stand out. I'm special, I'm unique and if you don't like it then suck it up, honey, I'm here to stay.

My 2011 theme song:

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting throught the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road


Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em goin "Oh, oh, oh!"

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

Firework by Katy Perry (2010)

Drama Queen Me

Is it just me or do people cry upon hearing a moving song? Wait, let me clarify, I wasn't in the midst of a break-up nor was I feeling down and depressed. In fact minutes before sniffling (which eventually led to the crying), I was on a high.

See, I had my iPod on while I was on the train home. I was listening to old school J.Lo hits, some Katy Perry and some acoustic alternative that used to be played over NU107. Then, Tracy Chapman's Fast Car came on.

One thing about me is when I like something, I really get into it. If I have a favorite top, I'll wear it until it's worn. A favorite piece of jewelry? I'll wear it everyday. Some people like to mix it up, I like to stick to it. So when Fast Car came on, I got excited. When the song was over, I clicked on repeat. Then clicked on it again. And again. And again. I must have listened to it 5 or 6 times in a row. The first time I pressed repeat, it was because I liked the melody and how chilled and relaxed it sounded and I wanted to hear it again. Next time, I listened to the lyrics more closely and remembered how much of a meaningful and moving life story the song is. Third time, I began to feel the emotions of the woman singing the song. And then I started to sniffle at the same time, trying to hold back. I finally got home (still listening to the same song) and as soon as I got to my room, I closed my eyes, laid on the bed and pressed the repeat button. Tears started streaming down. I felt the woman's journey from hopefulness coming from her desperate past. Her journey then took her to being a realist and then strength that came from her dreams and passions.

What a great song. I've heard this over and over before, and I'll play it over and over again. Ladies and gentlemen, this song inspires me and moves me. Ladies and gentlemen,

Tracy Chapman's Fast Car

You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere

Any place is better
Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
Me myself I got nothing to prove

You got a fast car
I got a plan to get us out of here
I've been working at the convenience store
Managed to save just a little bit of money
Won't have to drive too far
Just cross the border and into the city
You and I can both get jobs
And fin'lly see what it means to be living

See my old man's got a problem
He lives with the bottle that's the way it is
He says his bodys too old for working
I say his bodys too young to look like his
My mama went off and left him
She wanted more from life than he could give
I said somebodys got to take care of him
So I quit school and that's what I did

You got a fast car
Is it fast enough so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way

I remember when we were driving driving in your car
Speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car
We go cruising to entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job
And I work in the market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better
You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter
Buy a bigger house and live in the suburbs

I remember we were driving driving in your car
Speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car
I got a job that pays all our bills
You stay out drinking late at the bar
See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I'd always hoped for better
Thought maybe together you and me'd find it
I got no plans I ain't going nowhere
So take your fast car and keep on driving

I remember when we were driving driving in your car
Speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so you can fly away
You gotta make a decision
You leave tonight or live and die this way

Why is it so hard?

Is it just me or why is it so hard to write emails?!

Seriously, I'm meant to be just typing away without the pressure of having to be face to face. No pressure of looking the person in the eye. I have the liberty to walk away for a bit, finish my laundry and then get back to typing.

But why-oh-why is it so hard to write emails?!

Welcome 2011

It's a new year, it's a new life.

This year, I promise myself to live the life that I want to live.

Surround myself with positive energy rather. I'd rather spend my time alone that being with people who only give off negative energy.

This will be the year for myself.

This will be when I gotta do what I gotta do.

MJ and I have talked about our "the list". The List is a compilation of new, exciting, never-before-done things we/I need to do this year. It'll make it more exciting and keep me looking forward to the year ahead.

It shouldn't be too bad to have a year all about myself.

Bring it on 2011! This will be the best year ever!