You're A God

Listening now to Vertical Horizon's hit - You're A God - circa early 2000.

You know how music evokes emotions? How it surfaces feelings associated with memories of the song? Well, that's what's happening now.

I was in uni around the time this song came out. I loved it. I remember how I felt when a few boys would sing (or say) this song to me. I felt on top of the world. Very much wanted and loved. I could have anything I wanted.

Things have changed. I know it's a weird feeling I'm feeling now. I mean, MJ and I are not fighting. In fact, we're doing fine. However, I feel real sad. Like REALLY sad that I've been bawling my eyes out. This is going to sound absolutely weird but it's the kind of sad comparable to a breakup. Why?? Beats me. I'm just very sad. I think this is just me missing my mummy. And Mhargotx. The people who love me. The people who'd know me so well that if I decide not to show up for Friday night drinks would automatically know something's wrong and would rather be with me and sort me out. There's no one that would do that for me now. I just cancelled on Friday night drinks and gave out the lamest reason that I was tired. And they all took it. The night goes on. I miss being understood and loved. I miss the concern. Although I never ask for concern nor do I demand attention, it's just good knowing that there's a few people out there who would give it to me regardless if I ask for it or not.

It's sad to say I don't have anyone now who knows me well enough (or loves me well enough) to give me concern and love even if I shy away from it. I miss the feeling and I miss the people. It's true what they say - you can't have everything all at once.

I traded that feeling of love and company of people who love me with the life that I'm living now - the life that I've always wanted to have.

Is it a fair trade-off? Don't know. Like Enya's song goes, only time will tell.

Winds of Change

While I'd been so comfortable with the crisp spring air, summer is making its presence felt. Summer's punishing heat can be unbearable and sucks out all the energy out of me.

No matter how hot the day, our group of friends still managed to have a little get together at Warren's house to watch the boxing match between the Philippine's pride Manny Pacquiao against Antonio Margarito of Mexico. Although I'm not into boxing (at all - too gruesome!), I did end up having a good time today. MJ and I went to church early and stopped by Granville for some El Jannah roasted chicken, with garlic sauce of course, to bring to the screening. Boys started out with some beers while I had some lemon lime and bitter. I was the only rose among the thorns as all the ladies couldn't make it for one reason or another.

But at the end of the afternoon, I'd felt so exhausted. Exhaustion not from physical exertion but from the heat. Thank God for cold showers. I feel a lot better now. Today is just a reminder of the hot Australian summer on its way. Can't do much about it but seasons change.

It just feels a bit eventful to me because, just in time as we have this seasonal change, there's a change brewing inside of me too. I used to have grey tinted lenses as I got up in morning which made everything look dreary and drab. Now, I wake up with a spring in my step and a renewed vision on life and all the good the world has to offer - including hot Australian summers.

xoxo
Deb

Wafts of Cinnamon and Joy

Nothing extraordinary happening today. Almost like a typical weekend with the arvo devoted to cleaning and tidying up the place until I came across last year's Holiday CD...

White Christmas

featuring Rosemary Clooney, Frank Sinatra, Louis Armstrong,

Bing Crosby, Brook Benton & many more

I excitedly jumped up and played the CD. Amidst the vacuum noise, I could feel my heart skip a beat and jump with joy with these holiday tunes. Gotta love old school music with the horns blaring and good old soothing voices, plus the fact that the songs are all from my favorite holiday of all couldn't make it any better.

I haven't got the Christmas tree up yet, I really haven't gone all out with my Christmas shopping and I still have yet to stop by the Christmas Warehouse, but slowly, I can feel it coming. I can smell the wafts of Cinnamon in the air with a faint hint of joyous laughter.

Can't wait for the Christmas Holidays! :)