You're A God

Listening now to Vertical Horizon's hit - You're A God - circa early 2000.

You know how music evokes emotions? How it surfaces feelings associated with memories of the song? Well, that's what's happening now.

I was in uni around the time this song came out. I loved it. I remember how I felt when a few boys would sing (or say) this song to me. I felt on top of the world. Very much wanted and loved. I could have anything I wanted.

Things have changed. I know it's a weird feeling I'm feeling now. I mean, MJ and I are not fighting. In fact, we're doing fine. However, I feel real sad. Like REALLY sad that I've been bawling my eyes out. This is going to sound absolutely weird but it's the kind of sad comparable to a breakup. Why?? Beats me. I'm just very sad. I think this is just me missing my mummy. And Mhargotx. The people who love me. The people who'd know me so well that if I decide not to show up for Friday night drinks would automatically know something's wrong and would rather be with me and sort me out. There's no one that would do that for me now. I just cancelled on Friday night drinks and gave out the lamest reason that I was tired. And they all took it. The night goes on. I miss being understood and loved. I miss the concern. Although I never ask for concern nor do I demand attention, it's just good knowing that there's a few people out there who would give it to me regardless if I ask for it or not.

It's sad to say I don't have anyone now who knows me well enough (or loves me well enough) to give me concern and love even if I shy away from it. I miss the feeling and I miss the people. It's true what they say - you can't have everything all at once.

I traded that feeling of love and company of people who love me with the life that I'm living now - the life that I've always wanted to have.

Is it a fair trade-off? Don't know. Like Enya's song goes, only time will tell.