Wedding Woes

So I'm engaged... Does this mean I really have to get married? Do I owe it to the world to stand by my "announcement" that I'm engaged and push through with this wedding-thing even if it's not exactly the right fit? Another day has passed and another argument with MJ again. What was it about this time? It started last night, I asked him about when he's coming over. Which I very well know the answer. I just asked this to open a topic and just to get his thought that would appease my missing him. And I get the answer "As soon as possible, hugsy." Then proceeds to ramble about some stupid joke that I really couldn't care less. Now he's surprised that I'm pissed off.

It didn't help either that I had this dream. In the dream, I was all dolled up in my wedding dress. But I'm frantically scurrying around the room checking if everything's ok. MJ was sitting in front of the tele sipping on a cold can of beer. I'm urging him to do something and help. He looks at me, sits back and says "Just relax, honey." Then the guests start arriving. The minister isn't there yet, the food isn't ready and I don't have my bouquet of flowers! I start giving MJ a lecture about this then he gets sick of my bagulbul, heads for the door, meets up with his friends, and doesn't answer my phone calls. I end up with a bunch of hungry guests awaiting a wedding to happen with the groom missing.

So I wasn't exactly in my best mood when he called up today. I tried telling him about my worries and fears about this wedding, and he took it the wrong way. He started rambling about not wanting to talk to me until I cooled my head. Conversation ended up with me in tears. It's half past eight now. I've gotta be in bed by 9. Still no call from him. I should've known better. He keeps on putting this conversation off until a better time. But when is the better time? He always has excuses -- "Not now, I'm on my way to work", "Not now, I'm too tired.", "Not now, I don't have enough sleep.", "Not now, coz you're too hot-headed."

So when is the right time for us to talk about this? Or should I be making this decision alone? Will it be right and fair if I decided by myself to put this wedding off because he doesn't wanna talk about it?